iConfidant [Part 6] - The End, Processing.

There is a lot to unpack. So much so, that I am not sure if I can write it all out today. 

During the party, Boyd repeatedly told us to back out, to say the in-game safeword before it was too late. But we didn't listen.

As stories unfolded on Saturday 6/6, we witnessed the impact of our actions. Consequences, the byproduct of our actions. 

A participant was even called by a confidant before The End

I created something to honor my time here, in this experience, 

The candle burns in their memory

May the candle burn for eternity

JUNE 9TH 2020

The past few days have been quite the handful. For organization's sake, I'm gonna debrief it all in sections. 

Before The End

Boyd's last party took place before The End. In the party, he looked like he'd been forced to dance and forced to make us happy. The party was meant to be fun, and I think we all had a lot of fun. People brought things and were told to do things with those items. During the party, I asked a couple of questions...  At the end of the party, Boyd leaned in and told us to TERMINATE and that bad things were happening and I don't remember the rest. 

Boyd's last party took place before The End. At the party, he looked like he'd been forced to dance, forced to be a clown, and forced to make everyone happy. The party was meant to  be fun. During the party, we got bit of a confirmation of Boyd knowing more than he let on. Boyd appeared to be controlled by something or someone else... though I don't know exactly what. Later, and the next day, stories had taken a much darker turn; murder, suicide, and disappearing into the Void. 

The End

Dark things had taken a turn for the worst. It got so bad that we received a video from "Not Stacey" (also known as Tabitha) opening up to us, pulling at and tearing our emotional heart strings. Her video to us explained why she reinvigorated her friend's company (because Stacey commit suicide, and Tabitha needed a way to cope with feeling hopeless). The actress was on point in portraying the character's desperate attempts to preserve her friend's memories. Tormented by the demons of not being able to save her friend, Tabitha confessed that she couldn't stop what was happening to the confidants. "I can't fix this, but you can; TERMINATE." her voice cut out, leaving static-y noises and screen. A few seconds pass, and a distorted voice says, "I see you, now you see me. I am forever." cut to black. 

    Soon after the video posted, slack channels were erased. #Connecting, #Random, #The-Worlds-on-fire, #song-of-the-day, and #holidays were all purged. What remained were #Announcements; a new channel, #aftermath, was soon added. One of the participants told us a confidant deleted every one of our files. Then, our friend, stuck in the void, returned to us. The end to this experience left me emotional. It's over, it ended, the story has discontinued. 

DEBRIEF

A day or two later, we received an email from The Creators, telling us they'd be donating money that we donated to a charity, and a Zoom meeting would be held with the actors and The Creators on June 8th 2020. The participants joined in on the Zoom call. Participants were split into breakout rooms, where the actors answered some of our undying questions. Nice way to realize the person behind the character, and detach from the character. 

Participants started getting booted out one by one near the end of the call. For no rhyme or reason, for so I thought. As the group of participants dwindled, anxiety rose and questions rushed through my mind: Why? Why were participants booted out? One by one, they were kicked out, until two of us remained. One participant and I were left. They gave us a few seconds to talk, and then he was booted too. 

    I was left alone in the Zoom call to contemplate, with two black screens. Their screens flickered on, revealing themselves to me as The Creators Darren and Josh. Not only that... they NOTICED me, they SAW me, and KNEW my name, when I thought of myself a nobody. They told me they tried to call me several times, and that my phone number was incorrect in the application. They told me I had one question to ask. I asked the expected: Would I have gotten more interaction if my phone number was correct? They said yes. And then, Darren offered me something: A movie of my choosing (that he directed). I couldn't answer. Too much excitement. 

So, for all we know, it ended. The story's over. The purpose of iConfidant was not to make connections with actors, but with the community. I'd say The Creators did so, and did well. Shows are temporary, but connections are forever. A sense of regret fills me for rushing  the application for the entire process, not thinking to double-check my answers for mistakes. I'm a sucker for emotion; raw, powerful, unfiltered; emotions have purpose. So, I won't let them get me down, for these feelings of anger and regret shall only drive my motivation to push further. 

There is a lot to unpack. It's over, and simultaneously it never ends. A duality of balance; one part pleasure, the other part agony. It is a delicate balance of whether or not you are tormented by demons, or choose to overcome them. And I missed my chance, didn't I?